Monday, February 23, 2015
I cannot believe that it has already been seven weeks. On the other hand, seven weeks is such a short amount of time. It has been amazing watching her grow and change from day to day. She has just started learning how to coo and smile. Her little personality is emerging and she is so beautiful. I just love her to pieces. I can't wait to see more of her personality as she grows and changes in the weeks and months to come.
Even though it has been seven weeks, I still miss it... I still miss the anticipation. The wonder. The movement of her tiny body as she kicks and rolls around. The hiccups she would have, every.single.night. I even miss the labor. I hope that someday, if its in God's plan for our family, I will get to experience all of that again. I always thought that I would be a two kids and I am done, but I just cannot imagine being done. I am so lucky to have the children that I do have, and for that I am so grateful. We will see what the future has in store for us later.
For now, I will enjoy my newborn, and of course my toddler. They sure do keep me busy and feeling like I don't have enough hours in my day, but I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.
Monday, January 19, 2015
I cannot fathom that it's been two weeks since the night my water broke. Time is going by way too fast for my liking. As I sit here typing this, there are so many different emotions I am feeling. Since having Isabelle, it has been a somewhat bumpy ride as far as my hormones are concerned. While I know that this is completely normal, I can't help but wonder one thing. Why do I miss it so much? Miss what, you ask? Being pregnant. I miss it. I miss watching my belly grow. I miss looking forward to each OB appointment. I miss feeling little baby kicks. I miss the anticipation of wondering when I would go into labor... The labor and delivery itself ... I miss it all. Except for the heartburn. I don't miss that one bit.
I just want to know why I miss it and what is causing me to miss it. I have a beautiful little baby girl here in my arms as I type this, and another precious little girl asleep in her bed. I am so blessed. I should be overflowing with happiness and joy. Not sad and dwelling on the fact that my pregnancy is over.
I wish there was someone that I could talk to that understood what I am feeling. Someone who has felt exactly the way I do. Someone to tell me "it gets better" or "it will be ok ". A part of me wishes I could turn back time and go back to the beginning of my pregnancy and do it all over again. Every.Single.Bit.of it.
There is something about being pregnant that gives me a sense of worth, a sense of importance. I feel special. And there is NOTHING like knowing you are growing a beautiful human being inside of you. It's such a magical time. Don't get me wrong, all I could think about and talk about when I was pregnant is how I couldn't wait to meet my new baby girl, and wonder what she looked like. But something happened. Something changed between the time my water broke, and the time I pushed Isabelle out. It all happened so fast. Before I knew it, I was no longer pregnant and instead I had a brand new baby girl in my arms. Why is it so hard to transition and just let go?
I am trying to be positive and think happy thoughts and enjoy this happy time with my new baby girl. But I am only human and every so often I let my emotions get the best of me. Today was one of those days. I have a feeling that with each week that passes by, it will get easier but also a little harder. I know I cannot turn back time, but I can only look forward from here on out. I have two beautiful girls that need me and I need them. I need to enjoy them now while they are still little and enjoy watching them grow and reach milestones. They are only little once...
So even though I am bound to have a rough day every once in a while, I can take comfort knowing that this will soon pass... I may not know why I feel the way I feel, but knowing it is temporary will give me the strength I need to just move forward.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
I've decided that now would be a good time to write my birth story since its still fresh in my memory.
It all started around 10PM on Monday January 5th. I had just sat down on the couch to fold laundry. I had joked with Bryan about wanting to get laundry done just in case I go into labor soon. I hadn't been folding clothes for more than a couple of minutes when I felt a pop and all the sudden water started pouring out of me. I ran to my bathroom and just stood there and called out to Bryan telling him my water broke. He must have thought I was joking, but I sure wasn't! My pants and the floor were soaked!
We started making our calls. I called my doula first to let her know what was going on. We had originally planned to meet at my house so I could labor at home but since my group b strep test results hadn't been released to me yet, I didn't want to take any chances. We then called our parents and the friends who would be taking care of Bryelle. I started to get emotional and nervous as we rushed around the house getting everything together. I wasn't ready yet! By 11PM we were packed up and headed to the hospital.
When we got there we met my doula, Sheena, in the parking lot. Bryan went in and grabbed a wheelchair while Sheena and I gathered everything out of the car. Once we had everything we made our way up to labor and delivery. They seemed to be pretty slow because we didn't have to wait to be put into a triage room.
The nurse came in and checked my vitals and got me admitted. They also checked to make sure my water was really broken. Then the midwife came in and went over a few things with me. My GBS results came back positive so it was good I went in when I did. She also had it in the computer that I had gestational diabetes. That kind of upset me because that meant that I wasn't allowed to labor in the tub. My midwife I had been seeing for the whole pregnancy had never diagnosed me but just had me testing my sugars as precaution. It was upsetting... Then she told me that to be able to release my placenta would cost about 500-700 dollars. I broke down. I had been planning on encapsulating my placenta since I had found out I was pregnant, but there was no way we were going to be able to afford it if if cost that much.
After I calmed down the nurse came back in and put my IV in and we were met by another nurse to be escorted to my labor and delivery room.
We ended up with room 5. Now that I look back I wish we would have taken a picture of the room number. When we got in the room they had me get in the bed so they could get me checked in and hooked up to the monitors for a bit. I can't remember exactly what time we got in there but I'm thinking it was between 1 and 2 in the morning. I was exhausted from not sleeping much the night before and I even had joked around earlier that day, saying how I hope I wasn't going to go into labor since I hadn't slept much.
At first, the contractions felt like mild menstrual cramps, and then around 1:30 or so they started to pick up and become a little painful. My doula was great at trying different techniques to help me manage my pain. She applied counter pressure on my hips while Bryan ran his hands down my back through each contraction.
Around 2:40PM, the nurses decided that it would be a good time to check and see how much process I had made with the pitocin. They brought in the midwife and she checked me and told me that I was at 3cm, 100% effaced and at a -1 station. I was a little discouraged because with the pain I was experiencing. I thought I would be further dilated than that. After the midwife left, the nurses decided to break down the bed into a chair. They called it the Princess Pose. It forced me to sit up straight with my legs down and I really started to feel things moving along.
When the contractions picked up even more, just breathing through them wasn't enough. I started making Ah sounds and then when I got tired of that, I started making ooh sounds. At one point I made Mmm sounds. I definitely felt the peak of each contraction and I knew once I reached that point the contraction would soon end. I sounded like a tribal woman making all of those sounds but it really helped. Then, when the contractions picked up even more, I started to tense my arms so I decided to move them up as the contraction got worse, and then bring them back down once the contraction was going away.
After a while, I was starting to get tired. Then I got a strong urge to urinate but when I tried to go, I couldn't. I tried a couple of times, taking a break in between to breathe through contractions, but I just couldn't go. Then I started to feel like I needed to have a bowel movement. I couldn't do that either though. I left the bathroom in frustration and felt like that was my breaking point. I wanted medication to take the edge off. I didn't feel like I could get through without it. My doula asked me if I was sure and I said I didn't know. As I was walking back to the bed, I felt sick to my stomach like I would vomit. I a leaned against my doula and just did some deep breathing and that feeling went away. Then I got the urge to have a bowel movement again. It felt like extreme pressure. Because they had just checked me about an hour prior, I didn't think i was anywhere close to being able to push but the nurse decided to get the midwife so she could check me again.
The midwife came in around 4:15PM and as I got into the bed and she checked me, she told me I was at 9.5cm. So close! She then told me that baby had turned posterior which meant she was face up. Not news I wanted to hear. As I got through each contraction I started to feel like giving up again. I was so tired and frustrated and the pain was unbearable. I broke down and started losing my focus and started tensing up and that's when her heart rate started dropping. They rushed a doctor in and the nurses put an oxygen mask on me and had me turn to my side. I felt like I needed to push so the Dr checked me around 4:45PM and I was at 10cm! He let me push for relief but the baby's heart rate kept dropping. He explained that since she was posterior it was going to be harder to get her out on my own and that I may need the assistance of forceps. This wasn't news I wanted to hear. That meant I would probably need to get medication. He told me my options. I could get an epidural and possibly be looking at a c-section, or I could get a saddle block and use the forceps to assist baby's head down quicker. I decided to go with the saddle block. It took about 5 minutes for the anesthesiologist to administer the injection and it burned! I was numb from the waist down in the front but still felt everything in my back, which was nice because I still knew when I was having contractions. At around 5:05 I started actively pushing. I pushed three times with the assistance of the forceps, and three times without. After those six pushes, Isabelle Grace was born at 5:12PM! Her umbilical cord was overalled around her body. As soon as they untangled her they put her on my chest. It was a moment I will never forget! I was on such a natural high that I dont remember a whole lot after that.
I am so proud of myself for accomplishing what I set out to accomplish which was a natural birth with no medication. Although I did get the saddle block at the very end, I know I could have gone without it if it hadn't been medically necessary. I hope someday I will be blessed to be able to experience this again. It was amazing.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
So, two weeks after my last post, I had an appointment with my midwife an my doula came along with me. It was nice to have her support, and also to have another set of ears to listen to the answers of questions I had for my midwife. We got a lot of questions answered and as far as what I plan to have happen during this birth experience, I think things are going to go pretty good.
Two days after Thanksgiving, we decided to go cut down a Christmas tree. When we got it home, I realized that we made a mistake. It was so hard for me to breathe, that I had to sleep with our bedroom door closed and the windows open. I am allergic to most Christmas trees, but the past two years I hadn't had any trouble so I didn't think I would have trouble this year, but boy was I wrong! A couple days after we got our tree I went to a friends house and she has a monstrous tree, about 8.5 feet tall! Well, the next day I was sure paying for it... My allergies were in full swing and it started to flare up my asthma as well. Here we are about two and a half weeks later, and I am still coughing, but now I think its due to the cedar allergies. I just cannot win! Fortunately this is the first time I have really suffered with allergies this year. Normally I have allergies every time the seasons change, but ever since I had Bryelle, I haven't really had any trouble.
My last appointment was on the 11th of this month and Bryan was able to go with me to that one. I was advised to still check my blood sugar, but that I could check it every other day instead of every day. If my numbers stay where they are suppose to be, I will be given the OK at my next appointment to check every three days. I am praying that my numbers will stay good! It is such a pain sometimes to have to check my numbers and only be able to eat at certain times. I know it is all for a good reason though, so that helps a little.
I started swelling a little in my hands and ankles this week. I officially cannot wear my wedding rings anymore, and several of my shoes are starting to feel snug. I still cant complain though. This pregnancy has been such a breeze compare to the one with Bryelle. I still haven't gained as much weight as I did with Bryelle either. I believe I am up 32 pounds, and with Bryelle I had gained 42 until I went on the gestational diabetes diet and then ended up only gaining 36 pounds. I am not too worried about the weight though. I only have a little over 4 weeks left and then Isabelle will be here and hopefully taking care of a newborn and chasing after a toddler, the weight will fall off...
I have been getting a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions lately, and even feel like Isabelle is trying to make her way out at times, but I know I still have a ways to go. I am trying to get everything prepared and ready though just in case. Last week I packed my hospital bag and bought a few last minute things for Isabelle. I still need to write my birth plan and do a few other things before her arrival. I know that I have time, but I think with the holidays coming up soon, the time is going to slip right on by very quickly. We cant wait for Isabelle to make her debut. I still cant believe that I will have another baby to love.
Monday, November 10, 2014
As I sit here and write this, my energetic, talkative toddler is laying in my bed, fast asleep. She doesn't know that mommy is drained, or that mommy just might not feel like answering 20 questions today, or that mommy doesn't want to clean up the same messes over and over again... But one thing she does know is that she loves her mommy, and just wants her attention. I just hope and pray that tomorrow I can take a deep breath, have a little patience, and remember that this wont last forever, and although I don't think so now, someday I will miss these moments and wish that my sweet little Bryelle was following me around the house, asking me what I am doing for the umpteenth time...
On another note, Isabelle seems to be doing great. She is still a very active baby and is constantly moving. Her movements have becoming a lot stronger these days, and actually quite uncomfortable. She REALLY likes my ribs lately.
I have been having to check my blood sugar again, but unfortunately I ran out of my test strips a few days ago and haven't been able to get more yet. I am not sure what they will have me do but hopefully I wont have to start the two weeks over. My next appointment is this coming Friday so we shall see.
Last week I met up with the woman who is training to be a doula and will be attending Isabelle's birth. I am really excited. She brought her bag of goodies that she will be using to help me stay comfortable during labor. I am really glad that I found her and I really think she is going to do a great job as a doula. She already seems very passionate about it and that is SO important. We will meet up with her again in December, but this time it will be Bryan and I together. Its important for the dad to meet with the doula to make sure that they get along and that dad knows that the doula is there to help him, not replace him.
I cant believe that we have a little over two months left until Isabelle's arrival. It seems like it was just yesterday that I found out I was expecting, and how I never thought I would get over the morning sickness, and now here we are, less than 10 weeks away. I cannot complain about anything except the awful heartburn that plagues me every single day... That, and my joints in my hips and pelvis are starting to loosen up, so after I have been walking a while, or sitting for a long period of time, it is a little difficult to walk. I have also been getting spasms in my lower back the last few days so I will have to remember to mention that to my midwife. Other than all that, everything is great :)
If this blog post seems all over the place, its because I am exhausted, but I wanted to write a little something just to get things off of my chest and to clear my mind a little. That is all for now! Until next time. :)
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
One thing that has come back since I have been in my third trimester is the nausea and lack of appetite. Its not all the time, so that is good, but its still often enough to bother me a little bit. Its really weird because I never experienced this with Bryelle, but I hear that it is quite common. I guess I got lucky with Bryelle. :)
On Saturday, the day before I hit 28 weeks, we got to go and do a 3D/4D ultrasound. While I anticipated tears, I did not shed a single one. Its amazing how different your emotions are the second time around. I am overjoyed to be bringing another child into the world, but I don't think there is anything quite like your first child. After all, your first child is the child that made you a mother, and turned your life upside down, for the better of course.
Anyways, the ultrasound was amazing nonetheless. Since I was only just about 28 weeks along, we were able to see a lot more than we were able to see with Bryelle, who was 34 weeks when we went with her. Isabelle looks just like her big sister, but at the same time, they both have different features. I think that Isabelle has her daddy's nose, while Bryelle has mine. I think they both have my cheeks. It looks like Isabelle will have daddy's lips, while Bryelle has mine. We will have to wait and see though... when we will be able to see our precious girl in person.
Isabelle is SO very active these days. There is practically not a single moment where she is not jabbing, rolling, kicking, or bouncing around in there. I have a feeling she is going to be my wild child! Bryelle was so much more calm, only moving at night mainly. I know a lot of it could have to do with me working while I was pregnant with her, but I still chase after a toddler all day so I am not sure, but I definitely do feel a lot more this time! Could also be the placement of my placenta! I love it though! She definitely has a little personality already too. Daddy was messing with her and he would push on my belly and she would kick back at him. It was too cute.
On Tuesday I had my 28 week doctors appointment. Everything looks great. My blood pressure was great, like it has been this whole pregnancy. I don't have a single bit of swelling, which is so different with my pregnancy with Bryelle, because my swelling was so bad with her! In the past month I have only gained 1 pound, which I found a little strange considering you're "suppose" to gain at least 1/2 a pound to a pound a week in the second trimester. I am not sure what the guidelines are for the third trimester though. I dont really have to worry about the weight gain though because even if I gained a pound a week from here on out, it would put me at a 36 pound gain which isn't terrible. And even then, the midwife I will be seeing from now on said that as long as mom is healthy and baby is healthy, she doesn't really pay too much attention to weight gain... Which is nice, because for most people, weight gain during pregnancy is inevitable...So far I have gained 23 pounds this preganancy, where with Bryelle I had gained 27 by this time. I know 4 pounds isn't a huge difference but I bet the difference is the swelling that I had with her.
One disappointing thing I was told at my appointment was that since I am at 28 weeks and I have decided to decline the glucose tolerance test, I have to do finger pricks again for two weeks. Although it was disappointing, I am just glad I dont have to drink that glucola. And I have good news, I started checking my blood sugar yesterday and so far all of my numbers have been excellent! That makes me so happy because if I were to have gestational diabetes this time around, I would be considered high risk since I have already had gestational diabetes in the past. So, lets just pray that my numbers continue to stay good for the next couple of weeks!
I go back in two weeks to turn in my glucometer so they can analyze the numbers and rule out (or rule in) gestational diabetes. I have confidence that everything will be ok though! After that appointment I go back in another two weeks for my regular follow up appointment, and then I believe that I will have one more regular monthly appointment before I start going every two weeks. Its crazy to think that I probably only have about 5 or 6 appointments before Isabelle's arrival.
The midwife told me that I need to start writing up my birth plan. We talked a little about my birth wishes while I was at my last appointment and she seemed confident that we'd be able to follow my plan as long as there weren't any complications (ie;gestational diabetes) So we shall see! If nothing else, I really would like to labor in the hydrotherapy tub to help with pain management. I am going to avoid the epidural at all costs. I really had a bad experience with the epidural when I was in labor with Bryelle and I am actually more afraid of the epidural than I am about the pain of pushing her out... Which is a lot! I will be ok though! My friend gave me some affirmations to read everyday, so I think if I get in the right mindset, that is going to help me a lot. I still need to find something to be my focal point. I will more than likely bring a framed photo of Isabelle from the 3D ultrasound to look at and be my main focus, since she will be the goal that I am trying to reach! Wow, all this is really overwhelming but I know that I can do this. :) I dont have to worry about it so much right now though. I still have a ways to go!
Well that is all for today! As always, I thank you for reading, and I hope that you look forward to the next update. :)
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Today I did go into Labor and Delivery because I had been cramping off and on the last three or four days. More so than cramping, I was getting a lot of very frequent Braxton-Hicks contractions. Although they are normal during pregnancy, I didn't feel that the frequency at which I was getting them was normal. Especially since I had been staying hydrated, and being sure not to over do it. A lot of the time they were happening when I was sitting or laying down, which was odd to me.
They monitored the baby's heart rate and also monitored any contractions I may have been having. They told me that it was really strange that they were able to pick baby up on the monitor so clearly since I am only 27 weeks along, and that even at 28 weeks they have a hard time picking up the baby as clear as they did with Isabelle... Thats a good thing, but it made the nurse wonder if maybe I am a little further along... Who knows...
Everything looked good so they decided to take me off of the monitors and then had me give a urine sample, and they also did a speculum exam where they took swabs to get cultures to check for any infection. Everything came back normal and I was told that I am probably just experiencing normal pregnancy symptoms but I was advised to come back if I experience any sort of bleeding or very painful contractions or cramping.
I am glad that everything was normal, it just sucks that I will probably have to just "deal" with the tightening for as long as it decides to last. I've been relaxing and trying to stay off of my feet for the rest of the day.
On Saturday we will be having our 3D ultrasound and I am so excited for that. I cant wait to get a glimpse of what our little Isabelle looks like, and to make sure she really is an Isabelle, and not an Ezra ;) I am looking forward to the DVD we will get with it too.
Next week I have an appointment with my midwife, and I believe it is my second to last monthly appointment... After that I will have appointments every two weeks until 38 weeks and then after that will be weekly. I cannot believe how quickly we are approaching the end of my pregnancy. Soon its going to be all over, so I am trying to enjoy what little bit of time being pregnant, and being a mommy to one child, that I can.
Well, that is all for now. This momma is beat!